Happy 2024 my sweet friends!

It’s been such a long time since I blogged. I had done it consistently for a while and then realized that I was usually only blogging about positive and happy things and there was an entire side to me that I wasn’t blogging about. I wouldn’t blog about the stressful moments, the low moments, the feelings of inadequacy or insecurity, or the moments where I just wanted to rage quit and cut everyone off and either hide under my covers or move to a new place where no one knows me and start from scratch. The biggest reason I stopped blogging was because the motivation wasn’t there, and I wasn’t giving myself the space and grace to be creative or vulnerable.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m plenty vulnerable. One of my friends Julie said the kindest thing to me the other day. I was upset because one of my friends implied that I was “too much,” and I basically wanted to combust for 3 days straight. But Julie said, among other things, that I’m very real with people and myself that it’s “disarming.” And I loved that. I had never been called disarming before. I work hard to create a safe space for people to come and talk to me, open up to me, and be vulnerable with me, and it meant so much to me that she not only recognized it, but she cited it as a strength when I had convinced myself that who I am as a person is “too much.”

To remind myself that it’s not me who is too much, but rather other people who are not enough for me… I’ve been tapping into “reflection mode” a lot more. But. Sometimes emotions can come gut you in a way you didn’t expect.

What actually motivated me to write this today is that I did a meditation after… weeks, and even in those 10 minutes, I felt instantly refreshed. The last couple of days I’ve been consumed with this sadness. I think the worst, but also most enlightening feeling is realizing that everyone in your life is independently really lonely. If you are reading this and you are not someone who describes themselves as lonely, then you are incredibly lucky and please be grateful for everything and everyone you have, and maybe teach us how you do it too.

But we are all going through life alone, even if we are with other people, no one is going to know you 100% other than you. And I think that’s positively heartbreaking. Yesterday morning, I got an email from one of my work colleagues who mentioned that one of our clients, in a moment of vulnerability and bravery, admitted she was lonely. I’ll be honest, it broke my heart. She’s one of the sweetest girls I know and she’s been through so much. But then immediately, we started brainstorming ways to make her feel less lonely, and that was a powerful feeling.

There’s no way that I can solve all her problems, and though I wish I could magically poof everyone else’s loneliness away, I think remembering we are all human is important.

One of the many lessons that my parents have taught me, is that humans are complicated. I remember the exact moment too. My dad was making a joke that when he’s driving and there are two lanes, one with the long line and one with the short line (because the lane is ending), he’ll stand in the short line because he jokingly said: “I don’t wait in lines.” But then about a week later, at the same intersection, Dad drove and stood in the long line. And of course, I asked: “You said you don’t wait in lines?” and Mom said “What does that tell you?” and bratty me said, “That Dad’s a hypocrite?” and Mom immediately went, “No. it means that humans are complicated.”

It was one of those perfect hallmark movie moments in a coming-of-age movie where the main character was going to remember this lesson forever (and she did). But they’re right. Humans are complicated. And when you take the premise of “humans are complicated” and add the “but they are also lonely” then you have a new lens into everyone’s actions. Actions that you previously would have said “How could they do that??” turn into “They need some time to heal from the hurt they are experiencing.” Actions that made you question “How could she ignore all the signs?” turn into “She must have really wanted to be loved, cared for, and accepted.“

I have said multiple times that the biggest thing that changed my life was giving myself grace. And if anyone is ever looking for “Advice from Sandhya,” then it’s the same advice I’d give you: give yourself grace. I went on a grocery run with my good friend Justin yesterday and we were both saying that we hadn’t come up with 2024 New Year’s resolutions yet because we hadn’t figured out our goals for this year yet. Justin actually is the one who got me into meditation back in 2021, right around this time! It’s nice that we have learned to give ourselves grace when coming up with ways we want to better ourselves, but not put too much pressure into what that looks like.

But maybe, this year we take it a step further and give grace to everyone else too. Be disarming, be brave, be vulnerable, don’t just be nice but be kind, tell people that you love how you feel about them, tell your parents how important they are to you, message people when you think about them just to say “hey I was thinking about you,” and maybe we can’t cure loneliness, but maybe we can make someone’s life a little lighter, happier, and better.

Until next time!

xo

Sandhya

If you missed me and want me to revive my blog post and/or podcast, or if you want to join me while I go through my 28th year around the sun, then please click the follow or subscribe button! Feel free to connect with me through this platform, twitter, my coffee and checkins Instagram, my podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, or Amazon Music, or email me at coffeeandcheckins@gmail.com! If you have any suggestions for topics or anything you’d like me to write/speak about, please let me know 🙂❤