Greetings rockstars, 

It’s the final day of my first official “Rent Free Poem” Week. If you enjoyed this week, please let me know and I’d love to do it again!

In honor of my entire Instagram FYP being various poems, and in honor of Tay’s new album: The Tortured Poets Department, I decided once a day this week I’m going to pick a poem that’s been living rent-free in my head and write about it. For this, I have to channel all my 10th-grade English reading comprehension skills, but sadly there are no SparkNotes for these poems. So here is me, taking my shallow take on deep poems and hoping I can half-as-eloquently describe how these beautiful pieces of writing made me feel. 

Past Rent-Free Poems: 

• Monday, February 19: Coffee Date Physics
• Tuesday, February 20: If I Had Three Lives
• Wednesday, February 21: Top Down, Cruising in My Own Lane
• Thursday, February 22: Stay Soft and Always Choose to Care
• And the last day of week 1, here’s day 5: 

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Before I post this final poem of the week, I need to give a little bit of background. I changed this poem 14 times – poems and reflections that I loved when I first wrote them, but when I reread, would hate and scrap the whole thing. First it was about ways to experience more love in life, then it was about how much can change in a year, then it was how beautiful a month February is, and then it was about how friendship is a love language … every poem was something different and even though I was able to write something about all of them, none of them really captured how I was feeling or the message I was trying to send, especially as I wrap up my first rent-free poetry week. 

All of this week, my friends have been sweetly reading my poems and vulnerable moments and sending me supportive messages. But I also think there has been a lot of vulnerability hangover – where you are incredibly raw and emotional and then afterward you’re like “hmm, did I open up too much?” 

It’s not so much that I opened up too much and regretted it, it’s more like I didn’t realize how emotionally draining it is to be vulnerable all the time. I also didn’t realize how much it affected me until today I was talking to two people at work. One is the aforementioned sweet receptionist, Nydia, who always makes me extra coffee, and another is an admin, Melissa, who supports a few of my fellow colleagues. We were just talking about dating and life, and Nydia said “I feel like you’re inherently shy” and Melissa goes, “Sandhya? No no, she’s just been a little off and emotionally exhausted, but she’s usually RADIANT and a ray of sunshine!!” and honestly, I know I’ve been exhausted lately (I would be at firm events and just kind of zone out, or someone would talk about some sweet/romantic thing that happened to them and I’d be like “okay get away from me”) but I didn’t realize it was so obvious. 

So I decided to take a different approach with this last post.

As those of you who read my Valentine’s Day post know, I went to a pop-up event at a flower shop where I got a personalized poem – basically when Stella got her groove back. I was feeling really private about the poem because it felt so personal and sweet and such a personalized daydream that I couldn’t think of anything better. 

In a final moment of vulnerability, I’m going to share with you the poem that @andrewbuck3t wrote about me and my future meet-cute with the LOML. 

Sandhya in Italy

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my mind is deep into the closing couplet
of the sonnet i just can’t finish
i look up to find the words but there is a smile
that is all of language at once, and eyes
that kindness would call kind, he says
im breaking my own rules about interrupting
a writer in thought, but id never forgive myself
if i didnt say hello.
i looked at the empty chair, and he knew 
just what to do next.

Honestly, what can I say besides: I’m obsessed. To quote my friend Neel, “Maybe you should vacation in Italy.” 

I don’t even know if I have anything to reflect on about this poem other than this is pretty much my ideal meet-cute. So, Andrew, if you’re reading this, you knocked it out of the park. 

I said earlier this week that in my ideal daydream I would be at a coffee shop and writing all day, and wouldn’t this just be ideal. I don’t know if I’m creative enough to write a sonnet, but I’d probably be blogging. When I was talking to Andrew before he wrote this beautiful and hopeful poem for me/about me getting my groove back, I was telling him that when I meet someone new, I pay attention to three things: 1) your smile; 2) your eyes; 3) how you make me feel. 

If you have a welcoming smile, if you have kind eyes, and you make me feel calm and safe, then congrats, I am definitely/have been/will be in love with you. Some people get butterflies when they’re with someone they like, but for me, butterflies are not a good thing because I’m usually feeling uneasy or feeling uncomfortable. But if I’m calm, if I’m bubbly, if I’m my (to quote Melissa) “radiant self” then we’re in a good place.

So you know what, time to manifest this. Italy, here I come. 

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This concludes my first ever rent-free poem week! I think all things considered (especially the fact that I spontaneously decided to do this Sunday night) it was pretty successful.

Thank you all for joining, for following along, for reading, and for being so supportive of this week. Thank you all for allowing me to create a space where I can be this emotionally vulnerable all the time and I never feel judged or like I’m making a mistake. You all are the best readers ever.

Until next time!

xo

Sandhya

If you want to join me to do more rent-free poetry weeks or you want to join me while I go through my 28th year around the sun, then please click the follow or subscribe button! Feel free to connect with me through this platform, twitter, my coffee and checkins Instagram, my podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, or Amazon Music, or email me at coffeeandcheckins@gmail.com! If you have any suggestions for topics or anything you’d like me to write about, please let me know🙂❤