Hey sweet friends,

There was this post I saw on Tumblr that I really loved. As much as I would like to say that this next part is rooted in science, it’s also from Tumblr so who even knows… but then I actually did some research on this and IT’S REAL.

So now I feel much more confident bringing you a blog post that is 100% rooted in science, like everything else I say and do as a Pisces sun, Aquarius moon, and Leo rising 🙂

But in all seriousness. There’s a concept called the “Liking Gap” and it’s now one of my favorite concepts of all time. The Liking Gap is the disparity between how much a person believes that another person likes them, and how much the other person actually likes them. But here’s the best part: studies have found that most people underestimate how much other people like them and enjoy their company. ISN’T THAT AMAZING?

We spend so much of our lives concerned with what other people think of us, and something stupid or embarrassing that we said, or that someone is going to take what we say in the wrong way, or that someone that we like doesn’t like us. There are so many times when I say “Oh I don’t think that person likes me.” Obviously, there are some times that I could be right, but what’s lovely is that sometimes I’m completely wrong.

I’m always so surprised when my friends, whom I’ve known for years and have grown up with, will say something nice to me, do something nice for me, or even just pleasantly surprise me with how well they know me. Like when my closest friends got me cake for a surprise party, they bought me snickerdoodle bundt cake which I LOVE.

I think you go through life convincing yourself that it’s just you against the world, and then someone will surprise you and make you realize that no matter how alone you feel, there will always be at least one other person out there who is rooting for you, wishing well for you, and wanting to see you succeed.

It’s amazing to me that so many of us don’t know how much of a positive impact we have on people. The Tumblr post jokingly then said “Texting everyone I know ‘Let’s close the liking gap. I love you’” but imagine if we did that –  especially in a non-romantic way.

Imagine if we told everyone we care about that we do care about them and we value them and their friendship? Imagine if we told everyone we stay up late to talk to “Hey I really enjoy talking to you.” Imagine if we told people “omg seeing a notification from you today made me so happy, thank you for checking in!!”

Literally, a recent example of this is from this past week! I have a friend at work, and I consider him one of my closest friends – I love his company and pretty much every day when I come into the office, I have the same routine. First I roll into work anytime between 10 and 11 am, usually just getting off the phone with my friend Michael after we talked for 30 minutes during my commute. Then I’ll see the receptionist Nydia and joke that I decided to finally arrive at work and grace the DC office with my presence while pouring myself a cup of this amazing coffee that she makes. Then the first person’s office I go to is my close friend’s, just to see if he’s there, and then sit and gab for 15 minutes while I sit there with my freshly brewed hot coffee and talk to him about the little annoyances of our day.

I think kindness and the liking gap is the most fun when it’s unexpected. It’s when you cross oceans for people without a second thought, not sure if they’d even cross a puddle for you, but then you learn they too would cross an ocean for you. It’s the same pleasant but very welcome surprise when you realize someone you love talking to, loves listening to you.

It’s the same feeling you get when you go through your day and do an audit of your routine, on the language and phrases you say, of your gestures and mannerisms, and realize how much of them you adopted from your friends, and when you notice that people adopt your mannerisms and cute sayings too, even if they don’t consciously realize it.

What an amazing impact we have on other people. And yet we still dare to think we’re not liked, cherished, or loved???

I think we should all make an effort to be more forthcoming about telling our loved ones and our best friends how much we appreciate them.

Of course, right now I sat in the living room drinking chai with my parents and telling them “So REALLY we underestimate how much people like us! We go through life so worried all the time when most of the time it’s not a big deal!!” And Mom and Dad basically were like “Um duh? Tell us something we don’t know.”

Honestly, the fact that I wait to get my revelations from Tumblr instead of just going to my parents, is beyond me.

Until next time!

xo

Sandhya

Please join me while I go through my 29th year around the sun, then please click the follow or subscribe button! Feel free to connect with me through this platform, twitter, my coffee and checkins Instagram, my podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, or Amazon Music, or email me at coffeeandcheckins@gmail.com! If you have any suggestions for topics or anything you’d like me to write/speak about, please let me know🙂❤