Hey rockstars,

I was tempted to write this blog because there is nothing more “being human” than having a day where you just keep doing ridiculous little things. There are days when I am deeply impressed by my own competence: I can manage complicated projects, keep track of approximately fourteen things at once, remember obscure details from conversations three months ago, solve problems, make decisions, and generally move through the world with some convincing approximation of adulthood.

And then there are days like today.

Today began with traffic—or, more specifically, with my firmly held belief that no one around me knew how to drive. I was on my way to a hair appointment, watching the clock creep closer and closer to my appointment time while apparently every vehicle in the greater Washington metropolitan area conspired to move as inefficiently as possible. At a red light, I texted my stylist: “Omg everyone is driving like a moron.” She laughed, but alas, I was late. Fine. Whatever. This one, arguably, was not even my fault.

Things deteriorated from there.

I sat down in my chair and started ranting. I am planning the SABA-DC Gala in September, and last night I woke up every hour after having the same dream that the keynote speaker confirmed his attendance at the gala. Each time, I’d wake up thinking, “Oh good, he confirmed!” and then remember, “Wait no, he didn’t yet. Okay, go back to sleep.” Then an hour later, THE. SAME. THING. Apparently my brain had decided to spend the night manufacturing its own good news and then immediately taking it away from me.

But back to the present. So I am at the salon, and as the goddess Saveth is washing my hair, the temperature was lukewarm and fine, but I was like, “Oh Saveth, can you make it warmer?” and she’s like, “Yes of course,” and then the temperature was perfect. But then after I sit down in my seat, she starts blow-drying my neck to make sure it’s not wet from the shampoo and conditioner. And I remember sitting there thinking “wait this is really hot… maybe I shouldn’t say anything…” but then I yelped. Typical me asking for something hotter then approximately thirty seconds later, when it actually is hot, I panic.

Apparently my brain has a secret “Sandhya’s acceptable level of hot” temperature that I am still learning how to communicate. This should have been my first indication that my brain and I were not operating as a unified organization today.

But I eventually got to work and then also spent an unreasonable portion of the day bumping into things. This is admittedly not entirely unusual for me. I have terrible depth perception, which means that sometimes I approach a doorway with complete confidence and the doorway responds, Interesting theory. Corners, desks, door frames, various pieces of furniture—at some point, you simply accept that you and the physical dimensions of the world have fundamental disagreements.

I also messaged my cousin after a long time and asked her about how her husband is doing … by using the wrong name.

Her response?

“Who is Manav?”

Excellent question, because he doesn’t exist in any realm of reality. I of course took full accountability but there was, apparently, a theme developing.

Then came the coffee.

Since last week, I had been looking forward to my coffee run with Grace to Blank Street. Their iced Daydream Latte is the dream. I ordered on the app and we got there ready to pick up our order, and lo and behold, they put out a hot drink with “Sandhya” on the sticker. Oh my god. I checked the app, and this was not Blank Street’s fault. It was alll me, ordering a hot drink instead of an iced one. Like girl, it’s 95 degrees outside. Pay attention!!

I walked back to the office with Grace and said, “Can I just sleep and just, try again tomorrow?” Of course it was like 3 p.m., so sleeping the rest of the day away would be… a choice.

Later, I was talking to James and asked if I could rant about something dumb. He said yes, and I told him about how close I am to being done with my billable hours for the year and that I just want to be done. Especially because, the last three years, I had already finished my hours by this point, which meant—according to the completely imaginary timeline that exists exclusively inside my head—I was behind.

James, displaying an irritating amount of reason, told me that this was silly and that I was fine. I explained that, sure, technically I was “fine,” but I would be much happier if I were already done. “You said you wanted to work a little less!” he reminded me. Which was also a great point. But not to worry because I had a rebuttal, which was: “I say all sorts of silly things. I’m wildly inconsistent.”

And honestly, there it is.

Sandhya: I have identified a problem.
Reasonable person: That is not a problem.
Sandhya: Correct. Unfortunately, I remain upset about it.

Because I did want to work a little less, but only after I finish my hours. Both things can be (and are) apparently true. The reality is, I contain contradictions, and sometimes, quite a few of them.

The second half of my day mostly turned around. I did get an uber early for my dinner reservation and reached ahead of the designated seating time, but of course when I sat in the uber, I promptly slid out of my chair.

Then, after dinner, I was happily driving home and parked in the driveway. I took my bag out and thought, “Oh, this is light,” and my immediate reaction was: “Wow! I must be getting stronger!” and thought nothing of it.

Until I realized: I came home without my laptop.

I arrived home, presumably satisfied that I had successfully completed the basic task of transporting myself and my belongings from one location to another, and then realized that a fairly important member of the belongings category was still sitting at the office. Oh my god!!!

I debated going back and getting it, but instead decided, “I’ll just get to the office early tomorrow.” Whenever I say, “I’ll get up early to do XYZ,” I know it’s over. I rarely get up early, and when I do, it’s probably one of the hardest things ever. How can I leave a warm bed for the cold outside and the freezing bathroom tiles? No. Bed is safer. Bed is warmer.

So I went upstairs to change into my “home clothes” (sweatpants and sweatshirt) before I started watching TV. I went downstairs to the living room only to look down and realize: awesome, I wore my pants backwards.

And apparently, the day still wasn’t done with me. Because I was in such a rush this morning, I didn’t make my bed. So, naturally, as I was getting ready to crawl into it tonight, I decided that now was the appropriate time to make it. I put my phones down on the bed, made the bed, climbed in, and immediately realized that my phones were missing. Lo and behold, I had made the bed over them. My phones were now underneath the sheets. So guess who had to unmake the bed and then make the bed again.

At that point, all I could really do was laugh.

Because here is the thing: I don’t particularly like the way we talk about moments like these sometimes. We make one absentminded mistake and say, God, I’m so stupid. We forget something and call ourselves idiots. We misunderstand a question, walk into a door frame, order the wrong coffee, take the wrong exit, lose our keys while holding our keys, and somehow turn one ridiculous little moment into a referendum on our intelligence.

But doing something silly doesn’t make you stupid. Doing something thoughtless doesn’t make you thoughtless. Being spectacularly competent in some moments does not mean you will be spectacularly competent in all of them. Sometimes you are just a human being whose brain has seventeen tabs open and absolutely no idea which one is playing music.

And honestly, I think there is something kind of lovely about days like this. Not every day needs to contain a breakthrough, not every mistake needs to become a lesson, and not every inconvenient little thing has to reveal some profound truth about who you are.

Sometimes nothing is wrong. Sometimes you are not failing. Sometimes you are simply having a day in which you repeatedly receive exactly what you asked for and are shocked by the consequences.

Maybe that’s part of being alive too. Writing this post was really important to me because I’ve been told that I tend to romanticize life, and all my blog posts are about insightful moments and small gestures that feel grand. But sometimes, I’m just a girl who orders the wrong coffee, slips out of her seat in a stationary car, and loses her phones even though she just had them.

Maybe we should all give ourselves—and each other—a little more grace. In the meantime, I’m going to sleep and hope tomorrow is a little less clumsy.

We contain multitudes. Some of them are brilliant, some of them are contradictory, and some of them, apparently, order the wrong coffee.

Until next time!

xo

Sandhya

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